Shelter Island 10K — June 20th
Ok, Ok, I'm late on this one. I've started training for the Mighty Man 70.3 in Montauk. I REALLY have no time now!
Shelter Island 10K
Thank god the race starts at 5:30 cause I find myself at a preschool pool party at 1pm. Fueling up on Hot Dogs, Doritos and Gatorade. I realize I really have to overhaul my diet. I plan to ignore the fact that I am running the Shelter Island 10K in a few short hours and grab a handful of Cheetos. Chatting with the other pre-k moms saying things like, "oh yeah it's a 10K... no big deal... I'm training for a 1/2 iron man... I just had a fever, broke two days ago... no I'm fine to run..." I'm clearly delusional.
3:30 comes and goes and we are still playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey —indoors— cause the sky has turned a dismal shade of dark grey and the ark is beginning to float. I turn to my husband and say we have to go NOW if I'm gonna make this race.
We gather up the loot from the goodie bags and get the kids in the car. Kicking and screaming "I want to stay and do the pinata!"
I find myself saying, "yeah, yeah whatever." I have officially turned into my mother.
We race home to get our stuff and the dog and I have to get changed into my race gear. I grab a bunch of water bottles and get in the car. I am now hydrating.
We're off. Dog, Kids, Husband, Self, off to Shelter Island before the race start. It's now 4pm. Traditionally, Shelter Island is 1:30 away. Not today! I am thinking, I am the reincarnation of Mario Andretti. Is he dead? Not sure. Gonna have to google that one. Weaving in and out of Range Rovers and Beemers through Westhampton, Shinnecock, Noyak and Bridgehampton. With my—hasn't been washed since the last snowfall ford F-150 with the big-assed 4ft wide AntiHamptons.com bumper sticker on the back. hehe. When did this country club girl turn red-neck?
Vroom I pull into the South Ferry—thankfully all the other races have taken the North Ferry or had the foresight to get to the start early—the line is nil. We cross the channel and we are on Shelter Island! 5:05 sweet! We race (36 mph) to the school and I run in and get my pack.
Crap. I was supposed to meet Delli here at 4. Ooops, I suck. So I wander around screaming at the top of my lungs "DELLI!"... "DELLI!"... "DELLI!". The racers are lining up I position myself at the 7 minute mile sign "DELLI!" everyone is looking at me. BFD. I'm looking for a tall, white, middle-aged lawyer on Shelter Island at the 10K—needle in a haystack. I realize he's looking for a tall blond with a pony tail. I start laughing hysterically. Now everyone is walking away from me. Crazy woman has snapped.
The race begins.
I'm running nicely. Having fun. Chatting with people, wishing them luck as they pass me. Waving to the spectators. We pass the B— art gallery... someone is smoking. ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME! 1. It's a running race! We need oxygen not nicotine—you douche. AND 2. Who the F smokes anymore. It's SOOOO 90s. Smoking went out with grunge the day Kurt Cobain died... I digress.
Right, I was running. I run past the Whales Tale SOMEONE ELSE IS SMOKING!!!! You selfish s.o.b... This guy even looks like a selfish s.o.b. He's that guy. You know the kind of guy. Drives-a-Ferrari-send-his-steak-back-clearly-has-never-satisfied-a-woman kind of a TOOL... I digress... sorry.
Ok I was running. Now I was warned about the Shelter Island hills. I try to spend as much time as possible there so I know the suckers are no joke. I am prepared. Many a week on the treadmill at 12% grade. I can take a hill. But wait... DOWNHILL. Haven't practiced that. HELLO QUADRICEPS!!!! This should be fun.
In my infinite wisdom (as anyone who has read this blog—knows I am chock full of). I wore running pants and a sweat wicking t-shirt. Now I know what you are thinking, SO... BFD that's what you are supposed to wear. I, the genius that my IQ "says" I am. Decided to wear fleece running pants. Now in my defense, it was very chilly when the sky opened up at 3:45 when I picked out this ensemble. But now the storm has sort-of passed and behind it is a humid sticky thickness that doesn't exactly work well... while running... with fleece.
I am hot.
Sweat is dripping. I feel like that gross Gatorade commercial. I think the color of my skin must be Cheetos orange. Ewh. I swear salads only... for like a week... maybe a day... at least the day of my next race.
Over the next hill there is Jim Dougherty the Supervisor of Shelter Island with a hose. I've seen his picture in the paper. I feel like I can call him Jim. "Hey Jim can I get a squirt?" He squeezes the trigger and I'm thinking nice mist get this orange cheetos goo off of me, cool me down. Nope, he squirts me square in the face with a full blast of water! It was like a power washer! It is so forceful that it dislodges the ipod earbuds from my right ear! ipod is dead! I have water in my ear! I'm gonna get swimmers ear! Welcome to Shelter Island!!!!! If I see you at Wades Beach JIM you're so getting dunked.
I'm now dripping wet in my fleece pants. Great.
Here's my first big downhill. I am tall and heavy so I use gravity to my full advantage. I am pretty much just trying not to fall. I'm am flying down this hill! I pass Paard Hill Horse Farm. Is that Dan Ratiner of Dan's Papers? Would this be a bad time to pick his brain what he thinks of AntiHamptons.com and BetweenThePorts.com? I decide the crazy lady in the wet fleece pants look isn't going to make the best impression. I keep running.
I no longer have my ipod so I have to amuse myself which usually isn't all that hard. I am running nicely I have hit two splits and I am a solid 11 minute mile. I pass this guy on an uphill and he is groaning. I'm like, whoa dude, just walk for a minute. A mile passes he's still right behind me. Groaning. Not in a oh-I'm-in-so-much-pain sort of a way. He's groaning in an Oh Face from Office Space sort of a way. "Ohh OHHH OHHHH mmmmm ohhh OHHHH ohhh MMMM oHHHHH" I am laughing so hard it is interfering with my breathing. This guy is killing me. I notice he gets louder when young girls in hot pants run by. He's starting to really creep me out. I decide to step it up to get away from Mr. Ohface.
Running through Dering Harbor is really fun there are tons of spectators on their rolling lawns with beers at the ready for anyone passing. Makes me think of a Hash Run. I smile. Never got to do one of those.
Running this coastal route around Shelter Island is so unbelievably beautiful. To my right are the most pristine waters with the most amazing sailboats. I am now shamelessly asking... Anyone that lives on Shelter Island and does not have an heir. Please feel free to contact me. I would be happy to be willed your Shelter Island real-estate or sailboat. I'm a really nice person, mostly a really nice person, well, my husband is a really nice person and my kids are awesome. We'd be the perfect family to leave your estate. That being said, I really love Shelter Island.
ok, ok, ok, that's not a race report. geesh I'm such a suck-up even to a fictitious sugar daddy! Shameless.
OK!
I am running up to route 114. Not far now. maybe a bit over a mile to the finish. I'm tired and hot but I feel good. No weird —or for me, normal— bodily function issues. I get some water the road is flat. I feel good. I take the corner onto the last hill up Midway. This one is a sucker. It is a low grade but it goes on what seems like forever! But I knew it was coming. I drafted a lady in pink for the first half. When I got to the cub scouts at the last water station they were screaming wet or drink wet or drink. These little bug-a-boos were DYING to drench some one. How could I disappoint. WET ME!!! All the boys threw their glasses of water at me. They thought it was awesome. A few went back for more and chased me up the hill! How could I deny those little peanuts. Right after the cub scouts I passed the lady in pink and pushed hard up to the top of the hill.
I made the left onto Bateman and the right into Fiske Field it was muddy and the 5k finishers were lazily sauntering to their finish line. I nearly toppled an old woman with a cane! "Hey grandma get outta my way!" oops I should be nicer... she might will me her house! "Good job! We rule yeahhhh!" clap clap. (side note: My husband is a really good person and he's raising the kids so they have a shot at being good too.) LOOK THERE THEY ARE!!!!
"Go Mommy Go!!!!" I love that sound. I round the bases and there is the finish line. WOO HOO 1:13 better than the 1:15 I was shooting for. Cool. I get a water and a banana. The skies open up and it begins to rain. Sweet. Let's get to Uncle Joes for a shower.
Shelter Island 10K
Thank god the race starts at 5:30 cause I find myself at a preschool pool party at 1pm. Fueling up on Hot Dogs, Doritos and Gatorade. I realize I really have to overhaul my diet. I plan to ignore the fact that I am running the Shelter Island 10K in a few short hours and grab a handful of Cheetos. Chatting with the other pre-k moms saying things like, "oh yeah it's a 10K... no big deal... I'm training for a 1/2 iron man... I just had a fever, broke two days ago... no I'm fine to run..." I'm clearly delusional.
3:30 comes and goes and we are still playing pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey —indoors— cause the sky has turned a dismal shade of dark grey and the ark is beginning to float. I turn to my husband and say we have to go NOW if I'm gonna make this race.
We gather up the loot from the goodie bags and get the kids in the car. Kicking and screaming "I want to stay and do the pinata!"
I find myself saying, "yeah, yeah whatever." I have officially turned into my mother.
We race home to get our stuff and the dog and I have to get changed into my race gear. I grab a bunch of water bottles and get in the car. I am now hydrating.
We're off. Dog, Kids, Husband, Self, off to Shelter Island before the race start. It's now 4pm. Traditionally, Shelter Island is 1:30 away. Not today! I am thinking, I am the reincarnation of Mario Andretti. Is he dead? Not sure. Gonna have to google that one. Weaving in and out of Range Rovers and Beemers through Westhampton, Shinnecock, Noyak and Bridgehampton. With my—hasn't been washed since the last snowfall ford F-150 with the big-assed 4ft wide AntiHamptons.com bumper sticker on the back. hehe. When did this country club girl turn red-neck?
Vroom I pull into the South Ferry—thankfully all the other races have taken the North Ferry or had the foresight to get to the start early—the line is nil. We cross the channel and we are on Shelter Island! 5:05 sweet! We race (36 mph) to the school and I run in and get my pack.
Crap. I was supposed to meet Delli here at 4. Ooops, I suck. So I wander around screaming at the top of my lungs "DELLI!"... "DELLI!"... "DELLI!". The racers are lining up I position myself at the 7 minute mile sign "DELLI!" everyone is looking at me. BFD. I'm looking for a tall, white, middle-aged lawyer on Shelter Island at the 10K—needle in a haystack. I realize he's looking for a tall blond with a pony tail. I start laughing hysterically. Now everyone is walking away from me. Crazy woman has snapped.
The race begins.
I'm running nicely. Having fun. Chatting with people, wishing them luck as they pass me. Waving to the spectators. We pass the B— art gallery... someone is smoking. ARE YOU F'ING KIDDING ME! 1. It's a running race! We need oxygen not nicotine—you douche. AND 2. Who the F smokes anymore. It's SOOOO 90s. Smoking went out with grunge the day Kurt Cobain died... I digress.
Right, I was running. I run past the Whales Tale SOMEONE ELSE IS SMOKING!!!! You selfish s.o.b... This guy even looks like a selfish s.o.b. He's that guy. You know the kind of guy. Drives-a-Ferrari-send-his-steak-back-clearly-has-never-satisfied-a-woman kind of a TOOL... I digress... sorry.
Ok I was running. Now I was warned about the Shelter Island hills. I try to spend as much time as possible there so I know the suckers are no joke. I am prepared. Many a week on the treadmill at 12% grade. I can take a hill. But wait... DOWNHILL. Haven't practiced that. HELLO QUADRICEPS!!!! This should be fun.
In my infinite wisdom (as anyone who has read this blog—knows I am chock full of). I wore running pants and a sweat wicking t-shirt. Now I know what you are thinking, SO... BFD that's what you are supposed to wear. I, the genius that my IQ "says" I am. Decided to wear fleece running pants. Now in my defense, it was very chilly when the sky opened up at 3:45 when I picked out this ensemble. But now the storm has sort-of passed and behind it is a humid sticky thickness that doesn't exactly work well... while running... with fleece.
I am hot.
Sweat is dripping. I feel like that gross Gatorade commercial. I think the color of my skin must be Cheetos orange. Ewh. I swear salads only... for like a week... maybe a day... at least the day of my next race.
Over the next hill there is Jim Dougherty the Supervisor of Shelter Island with a hose. I've seen his picture in the paper. I feel like I can call him Jim. "Hey Jim can I get a squirt?" He squeezes the trigger and I'm thinking nice mist get this orange cheetos goo off of me, cool me down. Nope, he squirts me square in the face with a full blast of water! It was like a power washer! It is so forceful that it dislodges the ipod earbuds from my right ear! ipod is dead! I have water in my ear! I'm gonna get swimmers ear! Welcome to Shelter Island!!!!! If I see you at Wades Beach JIM you're so getting dunked.
I'm now dripping wet in my fleece pants. Great.
Here's my first big downhill. I am tall and heavy so I use gravity to my full advantage. I am pretty much just trying not to fall. I'm am flying down this hill! I pass Paard Hill Horse Farm. Is that Dan Ratiner of Dan's Papers? Would this be a bad time to pick his brain what he thinks of AntiHamptons.com and BetweenThePorts.com? I decide the crazy lady in the wet fleece pants look isn't going to make the best impression. I keep running.
I no longer have my ipod so I have to amuse myself which usually isn't all that hard. I am running nicely I have hit two splits and I am a solid 11 minute mile. I pass this guy on an uphill and he is groaning. I'm like, whoa dude, just walk for a minute. A mile passes he's still right behind me. Groaning. Not in a oh-I'm-in-so-much-pain sort of a way. He's groaning in an Oh Face from Office Space sort of a way. "Ohh OHHH OHHHH mmmmm ohhh OHHHH ohhh MMMM oHHHHH" I am laughing so hard it is interfering with my breathing. This guy is killing me. I notice he gets louder when young girls in hot pants run by. He's starting to really creep me out. I decide to step it up to get away from Mr. Ohface.
Running through Dering Harbor is really fun there are tons of spectators on their rolling lawns with beers at the ready for anyone passing. Makes me think of a Hash Run. I smile. Never got to do one of those.
Running this coastal route around Shelter Island is so unbelievably beautiful. To my right are the most pristine waters with the most amazing sailboats. I am now shamelessly asking... Anyone that lives on Shelter Island and does not have an heir. Please feel free to contact me. I would be happy to be willed your Shelter Island real-estate or sailboat. I'm a really nice person, mostly a really nice person, well, my husband is a really nice person and my kids are awesome. We'd be the perfect family to leave your estate. That being said, I really love Shelter Island.
ok, ok, ok, that's not a race report. geesh I'm such a suck-up even to a fictitious sugar daddy! Shameless.
OK!
I am running up to route 114. Not far now. maybe a bit over a mile to the finish. I'm tired and hot but I feel good. No weird —or for me, normal— bodily function issues. I get some water the road is flat. I feel good. I take the corner onto the last hill up Midway. This one is a sucker. It is a low grade but it goes on what seems like forever! But I knew it was coming. I drafted a lady in pink for the first half. When I got to the cub scouts at the last water station they were screaming wet or drink wet or drink. These little bug-a-boos were DYING to drench some one. How could I disappoint. WET ME!!! All the boys threw their glasses of water at me. They thought it was awesome. A few went back for more and chased me up the hill! How could I deny those little peanuts. Right after the cub scouts I passed the lady in pink and pushed hard up to the top of the hill.
I made the left onto Bateman and the right into Fiske Field it was muddy and the 5k finishers were lazily sauntering to their finish line. I nearly toppled an old woman with a cane! "Hey grandma get outta my way!" oops I should be nicer... she might will me her house! "Good job! We rule yeahhhh!" clap clap. (side note: My husband is a really good person and he's raising the kids so they have a shot at being good too.) LOOK THERE THEY ARE!!!!
"Go Mommy Go!!!!" I love that sound. I round the bases and there is the finish line. WOO HOO 1:13 better than the 1:15 I was shooting for. Cool. I get a water and a banana. The skies open up and it begins to rain. Sweet. Let's get to Uncle Joes for a shower.
Comments